Church of Choppers Blog

February 4, 2010

Fail

I was honored when offered the opportunity to write something for ________________. Motorcycle magazines are sacred pages of advertisements, information, and wisdom that rate highly on my obsession meter. A lot of times after dinner, I like riding my bike over to the local bookstore to scope out the new cycle mags that might of hit the shelves. Once I stuff the bounty of colorful, glossy publications into my backpack, I find myself riding a little bit faster going home than I did taking the trip to the suburban book mart. I look forward to the new projects people have labored and worked so hard upon, deemed worthy of getting published. However, these jaunts to and from the store are more treacherous than ever. Because of that, I require a bike with an emphasis on function over form. First make the bitch stop and go, and then make it sing. To me, that is the essence of today’s chopper - a tool to skirt death and blow minds.

It seems as though every fat single mom in a SUV wants to kill me. Crack heads run stop signs, dogs and deer spring to life, and finally, without fail, I always seem to attract the old man, crossing over five lanes to take me out. I have come to the slow realization that a target must hover over me like stink on dog. When I build a bike, I keep my target in mind and remove everything except those items that help it stop and go. Chopping off superfluous fluff - that’s how I always interpreted the term “chopper.” Parts removed, with new parts forged and added, including brakes. I always add to the brakes. I know this does not sit well with the “period correct” folks, but I prefer modern brakes on my choppers. Show bikes can have shitty brakes, thats ok.

“Period correct”’ is term heard often, and I respect history, but also realize that there is much to be learned from it that can be beneficial to moving forward and looking towards the future. The past has produced some beautiful parts made by colorful people and I completely understand why certain individuals spend so much time at swap meets hunting those parts down, but that’s not my inclination. Inventive, forward-thinking builders should spend less time at that swap, and more time in the garage fabricating a part that others will seek out 20 years from now. Things are constantly changing. Skateboards morphed in order to tackle pools, drag bikes go faster then ever, and today’s drivers are way more distracted than the drivers from the “period correct” days. Sure it is a lot cheaper, easier, and esthetically pleasing to run no front brake, but shouldn’t today’s choppers reflect today’s driving habits? Searching the past mags to copy a Panhead from Toronto, scouring swap meets on weekends, and endless web surfing for the most obscure part money can buy - all that can be put together with time, tools, and money. But I prefer making the parts and fitting death-dodger disks in order to survive today’s streets.

I recently ran across a question on a bike forum from a guy planning a cross-country ride on his new copper he built. He asked, “Will I get hassled by the man if I don’t have a front brake?” It’s crazy to me that this guy is more worried about getting stopped by the cops, than getting tagged by a truck. I guess some truly live by the mantra, “ride hard, die hard!” That’s great - live it. I, on the other hand am looking forward to building my next bike and taking some more cross-country rides.

I was fortunate enough to log a lot of miles this past summer. Do I remember if my front brake made my trips to the bookstore any more fun? Was I hung up on wondering whether my bike looked “pretty” or “period correct” to the old-schoolers rather than reveling in the ride? Hell no, and I am still here to write about it.